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Thursday 31 May 2012

Here i am

I have a friend who grew up with me.Not really grew up with me he's actually grew up with my Cousin's and relative haha.. ya ya ya . It never come across my mind that he will be closer to me thought of  him just as a friend
until last month, when i was in Sibu.. Doing Something Stupid...trying to solve my Bad situation on myself.. (oh my english) we went for an unplanned trip. I found that he treat me very unusual..ya unusual (in the sense of very good) . Before that i was on Still in Sibu just about to planned to Go back to kuching i was on the phone with him.Somehow He took a step and confessed his Love for me. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.He always concentrated on me only, but by
my side, there were so many other guys.im not being a playgurl, is just that im avoiding things happen to me for the 2nd or 3rd time. To him, i  am the only one, but to me, maybe he is just another new guy in my life…

“Baby, do you want to go watch a movie?” He asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to work kah?” with his disappointment voice
“No… I am going to meet a friend…

i know im always  like that.  To me, he  was just a boyfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from his mouth. Since I knew him, I dont think he ever heard me saying ‘I love you’ before. . its hard for me to say the 3magic words.. i dont know why maybe because the pain i still have in my heart.. haha didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Sounds so long kan? Everyday, before he say goodbye, he would just hand say the 3 magic words, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…i still cant say it to him


Then one day…

Me: Um, b, I …
HIm: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, u really?
That was how he answered my ‘three words’ and something went on.. where.. that's a secret between us haha..Ok dont be dirty minded ya. after that incident every morning When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.Imagine myself with all this wedding Gowns geess.. i think if he knows what im thinking then he will be like OMG But… haha there's a but too.. it is not as happy as what u guys think.. im my heart there's still Hanis and all my past stories still haunted me.. wargh.. haunted somemore. haha

Him : Baby, u need to make up ur mind, Past is past. dont let it still be in ur heart (i think something wrong haha)
Me: Erm..
Again, he Keep on trying to convince me..
Me: well, its hard for me to rubbed away all this...
Him: I'm not trying to pust u, but somehow, u shud love someone who really loves u, not hoping for someone who never loves u but criticized on u or even blackmailed u to others
Me: Wait, wait! What do u mean?
Him: U know what im talking about..
I felt so uneasy and so guilty.,Suddenly i said … “Wait…”
Him: You have something to say?
Me: Do u really Love me? and y? (in my heart it goes like Tell me, tell me you love me…)
Him: Of course i do with no reason
Me: ok thanks
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and im like kinda melted haha
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what i said to him.  Maybe he is not the right guy for me…i think
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He called me like so many times, although I was waiting.but with my huge and big egos, i just try to be like im so innocent  He just continued calling me non stop

After a week, I got myself on the right track and i manage to forget and overcome all my fear together and went to work as usual. But what made the pain resurface was that… I heard about "him" on a street…that him is not the Staring of my story.. i guess u guys know who is that  He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me… I drove straight back home and locked and cried as usual.. luckily i finished my shift  and tears fell… Why did God  gave these to me……In a fit of anger, I threw  my pillows around including my lovely 'nanau' around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him (the actual staring).But i didnt answer, so we just text  I tried to calm myself down and at last im ok. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him for the new Him, that… it’s going to end.

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon,
Me: I don’t u i guess 
Jin: What….why…?
I stop the conversation in a rude way
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice.


“I love you~, I love you~” was all his words..

“I….lo..ve…you??”
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! 
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you…from his mouth Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much…

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I have to do all this

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life ..... haha

erm its a love story actually but haha... erm no idea ma...now i have a Beautiful Necklasce with the letter G like he said though is on RMXX.XX but all the efforts are there... same goes to my Ring .. haha end of the story.. so i guess u guys know what's the ending right

Wednesday 23 May 2012

Salahkah Aku?

Hai..
Tunggu.. ni bukan Habis Madu Sepah Di Buang Part 2.. belum lagi.. ni topic lain...
Melihatkn Topic di atas.. (Oh My BM) .. Ok,Benda ni dah terjadi beberapa minggu lepaslah.. Ada lah Seorang Hamba Allah ni.. Tetiba Add aku , Agak meragukan Jgklah Profile dia.. TApi sebelum aku nak accept  dia, makanya aku Pun Msg lah dia... Dgn cara bagusnya , aku bertanya sama ada kite kenal ker tak, Dia jwb Nak berkenaan.. ok, niat yang bagus aku menjawabnya kite kenal ker? Lepas tu dia boleh dok sound aku... J. Mcm2 dia Sound aku.. ya allah... Dia boleh kata ku menghina Islam. padahal aku rasa aku tak pernah menghina islam. yelah aku tau aku ni Mualaf,dia boleh kata aku ni belum masuk islam dan menghina islam.. Mak ai lebih Hebat dia ni dari Jakim kan? belum cukup dgn tu... Dia suruh aku stop Menghina Islam.. ya rabbi... entahlah... Oklah itu 1story..
2nd story...
18May, Aku bukalah No lama Aku yang 011 tu, yelah tetiba jer rasa nak buka no tu entah kenapa setelah lama tak pakai kan.. huhu tetiba plak aku tgk ada miss call dari si dia.. siapa itu?... cuba teka.... haha siapa lagilah kan, bekas pengasas Blog ni gak.. eh tak baik cakap bekas... Should i say one of this Blog owner B4. ah lantaklah, well actually it was a shocked also, after like 59 days i didnt msg or contacted him, suddently there's a miss call from him, so surprising... then a text from him.. hurm seems like im guilty in this situation... y? i also dont know.. huhu.. pelik kan, kalo dah jadi EX mmg kita ni akan di hina, padahal sy tak contact pun mana IK yang sepejuangan dgn dia.. Kalo Dah EX tu aku tak kacau pun hidup kau, aku tak kacau pun Kawan2 sekerja kau and Yang Paling Penting Aku tak AIB pun Diri kau tu.. jadi Kenapa Aku perlu terima semuani.. Ingat Kau tu kerja kat sarawak.. Jgn nak Merasa Diri TU pandai.. yer... aku rasa hairanlah, Kenapa Dia perlu buat semua tu, and yang paling buat aku terkilan... aku Msg Mak dia just nak ucap Selamat Hari Ibu dan selamat Hari Guru, apa tak boleh ker, i tot we were taught to respect our elder... erm.. takperlah.. Kalau Si dia ada Membaca Blog ini, Pk lah elok2.. Kalo rasa nak minta maaf kat aku,mintalah maaf, sebelum kang ko tak sempat nak minta maaf, Selama aku bersama kau, kau kena ingat siapa yaang dok MENGHINA aku BERKASAR dgn aku, even DOK MENYUMPAH aku tapi aku maafkan lah kau wpun kau tak minta maaf, Tapi Please Bersihkan Nama aku, di Pejabat kau tu, di mata keluarga kau tu dan especially di Mata Kau sendiri... Sebab, aku tgh membawa apa yang tak patut kendong sekarang, Namun Aku tak pernah Nak menyalahkan Kau even kau tak bertanggungjawab... Ok, Jgn smpai aku Go againts u.. wpun pada dasarnya Kau tak bersalah.. Ok.. Huhu

Emonya.. Pepun.. Kalau Keluarga Si dia tak pecaya tak per. Yelah Dia kan Tak Pernah Tinggal Sembahyang, Tapi Kena Ingat... Aku ada Maruah Jugak!!... U are lucky i dont Tell u here and there.. TAk guna kau abadikan Kenangan terindah itu bersama jikalau hati kau tu yang sebenarnya Memburukkan aku, padahal aku tak pernah bercakap buruk pasal kau...

Sekian....

Monday 21 May 2012

Habis Madu Sepah Di Buang (part 1)

Hai How are you guys.. Lama dah tak Mengupdate Blog kan haha.. Tgk Topic kat atas.. Actually topic ni akan menceritakan tentang peredaran semasa.. haha..
Erm.. Ko org selalukan dengar kes buang bayi? hurmm ko org pernah mendalami perasaan ibu yang membuang bayi tersebut? Yer mmg aku tau bayi tu tak bersalah, sbg seorang M.O aku ada gak terfikir perasaan Perempuan tu... huh Cuba ko org bayangkan, Kalo pmpuan tu mengandung anak luar nikah , nak g buang dah terlambat.. mcm mana? ko org rasa boleh ker keluarga dia menerima dia? boleh ker masyarakat di sekeliling dia menerima dia wpun dia berjawatan tinggi di sektor kerajaan mahupun swasta?.. Kadang2 aku dok terpkir gaklah.. Kenapa dia dok lahirkan bayi tu pastu buang bayi tu kat tong sampah.. zaman sekarang ni kan.. bnyk sgt dah kes mcm ni, aku kesian gak kat Si ibu tu.. . ada satu kes ni kan, bukan patient aku lah ni aku just buat2 menyibuk nak pi tnya and pi siasatlah pasangan ni hangat dok bercinta suatu ketika dahulu Cinta antara Benua kot lau tak silap.. tapi tak pastilah kenapa boleh terlanjur sebab pakwer dia kuat agama, tinggi martabat di mata DUNIA dan di masyarakat dan kawan2nya.. dan terutama familynya.. manakala makwer dia plak seorang wanita yang biasa biasa jer.. Tapi ok gaklah.. tup tup tup Makwer dia tu Mengandung.. anak luar nikah, si lelaki tu plak boleh buat tak tahu and just lost contact mcm tu jer.... yelah kalo yer pun tak nak Bayi tu or tak nak Makwer dia tu lagi. sekurang2nya bertanggungjawabkan.. sekurangnya pergilah bersama2 or carilah iktiar mcm mana nak settle. ni just lepas tangan mcm tu jer.. tak baik bah .. mana perginya dasar toleransi dan hati perut.. tapi tak perlah... aku ada lah tnya perempuan tu Bnyk gak lah soalan, mcm mana leh terlanjur n mcm mana leh termengandung n kenapa tak kahwin ... Menurut patient ni dia mmg sepatutnya dah pun bergelar isteri yang sah pada pacan nya itu tapi ada sedikit masalah teknikal jadilah mcm ni..mcm mana dgn kandungan dia n mcm mana nanti kalo kandungan itu dah dilahirkan? kandungan perempuan tu sekarangdah 6 bulan nak masuk 7 bulan.. insyaallah akan melahirkan anak bukan 8 ni.... Tentu ko org terfikirkan mcm mana kos perbelanjaannya kan, Di sarawak Hospital Swasta seperti (KPJ,NORMAH dan sebagainya) or even a gynae private clinic mmg dia org ble terima kes kes sebegini.. even government hospital pun boleh terima tetapi si wanita itu takkan dapat keluar dgn anaknya tanpa penjamin yakni Ibu atau mana2 keluarganya yang terdekat.. Memandangkan Si Perempuan ini tadi ada kerjaya, makanya dia mengambil keputusan itu melahirkan anaknya itu di Hospital swasta, dimana belanjanya sy adalah tnya tapi tak perlulah sy memberitahu di sini kan..menurut perempuan itu ada lelaki yang nak jadi pak sanggup kira nak menjadikan dia isterinya yang halal dan menjadikan dirinya sebagai ayah kepada anak dalam kandungannya itu wpun dia tau itu bukan anaknya.. tetapi belum apa 2 lagi dah ada musibah menipa... apa musibahnya...panjang ceritanya..  akan di ceritakan dalam Habis Madu Sepah Di buang Part 2.. sementara itu layanlah lagu dibawah ni ,... dan hayatilah...

Tuesday 8 May 2012

Bila Cinta Tiada lagi

Hello, assalamualaikum...
Hai semua ( mcm lah bnyk org membaca). Duduknya Sy di sini adalah utk mengupdate blog yang dah lama tak di update bukannya apa.. haha selama ni sibuk memanjang jer.. Sekarang huh,, Qaleesya dah Officially On leave. for 3 Months (cuti Tanpa Gaji).. Kenapa? hurm Biarlah ianya sentiasa menjadi kenapa.. ahahaaa.. Takper, Bagi siapa yang tau maka taulah dia yer.. Bagi siapa yang tak tahu lagi, Maka tak tahu lah dye yer.. haha.. Siapa yang tahu kenapa sy Cuti tnapa Gaji SHHH diam jer haha..

Tgk Topic di atas... Ok, Sy sebenarnya nak emo ni, haha yelahkan dah tgk ceretia 7 Petala Cinta Kan, Dari Cerita tu bnyk yang saya belajar.. Salah Satu nya.. Cinta Tak harus memiliki.. (lagu ANuar Zain) yer. Mmg sy akui mmg Bukan Mudah untuk melupakan yang Kita dah pernah CInta Wpun ada yang sanggup nak jadi pak sanggup nak menerima kita ni "SEADANYA" wpun dia tau kisah2 hidup kita, Namun Cinta dan hati sy mmg tak pernah n bukan senang untuk berganjak..apatah lagi nak beralih opss. terkenang masa lampau plak, eh tak derlah, yang dah lepas biarlah lepaskan.. mcm yang kita selalu dengar, A guy who cant live with his Pass will be damned in his future.. yes how true is that, well guys out there who has feel it then u know..

Duduk di rumah cuti ni, membosankan jgk sebenarnya.. tapi dah terpaksa ambik cuti atas atas sebab yang tak dapat di elakkan.. nak wat camner cuti jugaklah qaleesya kan.. haha.. dok umah buat kek lah, buat biskutlah, popia lah dan mcm2 lagi.. menambah skill memasak sy ni.. tapi bosan gak dah tak tau nak wat apa dah.. Eh nak citer sikit, pasal citer 7 petala cinta.. Best tau. siapa yang lum tgk pi lah beli cd tgk.. mmg best, citer tu boleh mengajar kita merhargai cinta dan keluarga..

Tak Lama Lagi Hari Ibu kan? huh teringat plak sy kat Mendiang mama sy, kalau dia ada kan best.. huh.. Tapi sy masih ada "mak" a.k.a Bakal mak mertua yg tak menjadi.. teringin plak nak g jumpa dia, tapi takut gak kang tetiba kite dtg huh tak pasal2 kena tanda tanya or kena marah Anak dia.. Tapi tak perlah, Dari Jauh jerlah Sy mendoakan Kesejahteraan Utk Mak... mana2 anak mak yang ada baca status ni.. Tlg kirim salam kat mak yer.. insyaallah kalo qaleesya ada masa nanti qaleesya belikan hadiah utk mak yer.. then qaleesya post lah hehe...

aik panjang plak rasa nya mengupdate blog kali ni... hurm oklah nak rehat jap, Badan tak berapa rasa elok yelah dah tgh dok ada masalah sikit.. well oklah.. thanks sebab membaca semua...

Utk si dia.. All the best ku doakan Kesejahteraan mu senantiasa..